Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
