i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just pee around me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
