DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
