That's intense
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
