I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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