Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
