You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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