In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize