if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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