woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
MIDGETS
????
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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