I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
