Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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