I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
