dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
