Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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