What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
