Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
