my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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