tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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