A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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