so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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