i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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