Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
