I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
