I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
