So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I checked into jail on foursquare
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
