Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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