Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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