I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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