Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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