just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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