you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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