Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
