You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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