Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
