Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just tell him i said nine months
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize