Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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