I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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