I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
