I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Define "chronic" masturbator.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
