btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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