please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
