You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize