We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
