I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
