After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
