Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
