just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize