I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
