I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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