My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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