fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
