Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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