I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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