man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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