We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
