I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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