in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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