Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
