I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
