guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
