This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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