Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
