some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
