It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
