I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
