Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
