smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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