Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
