I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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