i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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