yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
