If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We just shotgunned beers for America
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
