I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
