I bet he comes in French.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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