i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
