So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
