If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
