She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
