$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Drake has all the answers
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
