wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
