I just saw a hot homeless man
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
