the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
