I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
