Cold hands, warm shart.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
