Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
