If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
