If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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