youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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