Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
