Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
