With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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