Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
