He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is her dick bigger than yours?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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