Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize