I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
