you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
