Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
