My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize