There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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