what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize