when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
