guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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