he was CRYING into my vagina
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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