she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
