it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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