Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
