I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
