so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
