I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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