This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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