Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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