okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
