i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
