omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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