Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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