dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
