Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize