my shit smells like andre
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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